All but interesting.: "Soon you will end the pain and you will say that it did make you stronger. This is how you overcome."

Yesterday was surprising and a little hard.

I haven't seen my dads side of the family in well over a year and my brother and I drove to Johnson City to see them yesterday. It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it wasnt easy. I miss them and it was hard to see my grandpa looking so much older and my uncle looks just like my dad. It pretty much scared me as soon as I saw him. My grandpa kept calling my brother by my dads name. It's hard to go there because all I think about is my dad and how much I miss him and how different things would be if he was still here. It will be 8 years since he died in December. Sometimes it feels like so much longer ago. sometimes it feels like it was a week ago. They have my dads pictures everywhere and all his things everywhere. This was one of the first times I felt like I wasnt the only person still on this level of grief or whatever. I feel like my mom and brother have made so much more progress than I have. It's weird. But our visit was nice and I'll be back up there on Wednesday to spend a little more time with them.

I miss him a lot and I wish I knew when or how I could just feel so much better about him being gone. I feel like I'm behind.

I came back to Knoxville because it was a friends 21st birthday. We went out to a bar and i had a great time with my friends. I was a sober sally and I plan on not drinking for a while. It's getting old and I want to lose some weight anyways. Only downfall to being a sober sally is that everyone always needs a ride home. I was a taxi last night. It was hilarious though dealing with some of my drunk friends. Entertaining to say the least. I had basically fight with the last friend to get out of my car. haha he was convinced that we needed a hang out session in my car... at 3:30 am. haha.

I just showered and got ready for a dinner date with Nathan. I havent seen him in so long. Im waiting for him to come over and pick me up. He's late & its so typical of him haha. I got a phone call telling me he was leaving campus (a dorm... shacker!) I need to meet this new boy in his life. I feel so out of the loop! im sure our dinner date will be full of gossip and our relationship statuses haha. I miss him. I love him. We might be living with each other in May for a year! This week is huge on making decisions.