"Soon you will end the pain and you will say that it did make you stronger. This is how you overcome."

Yesterday was surprising and a little hard.

I haven't seen my dads side of the family in well over a year and my brother and I drove to Johnson City to see them yesterday. It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it wasnt easy.  I miss them and it was hard to see my grandpa looking so much older and my uncle looks just like my dad. It pretty much scared me as soon as I saw him. My grandpa kept calling my brother by my dads name. It's hard to go there because all I think about is my dad and how much I miss him and how different things would be if he was still here. It will be 8 years since he died in December. Sometimes it feels like so much longer ago. sometimes it feels like it was a week ago. They have my dads pictures everywhere and all his things everywhere. This was one of the first times I felt like I wasnt the only person still on this level of grief or whatever. I feel like my mom and brother have made so much more progress than I have. It's weird. But our visit was nice and I'll be back up there on Wednesday to spend a little more time with them. 

I miss him a lot and I wish I knew when or how I could just feel so much better about him being gone. I feel like I'm behind. 

I came back to Knoxville because it was a friends 21st birthday. We went out to a bar and i had a great time with my friends. I was a sober sally and I plan on not drinking for a while. It's getting old and I want to lose some weight anyways. Only downfall to being a sober sally is that everyone always needs a ride home. I was a taxi last night. It was hilarious though dealing with some of my drunk friends. Entertaining to say the least. I had basically fight with the last friend to get out of my car. haha he was convinced that we needed a hang out session in my car... at 3:30 am. haha. 

I just showered and got ready for a dinner date with Nathan. I havent seen him in so long. Im waiting for him to come over and pick me up. He's late & its so typical of him haha. I got a phone call telling me he was leaving campus (a dorm... shacker!) I need to meet this new boy in his life. I feel so out of the loop! im sure our dinner date will be full of gossip and our relationship statuses haha. I miss him. I love him. We might be living with each other in May for a year! This week is huge on making decisions. 

 

Benz has been great and I'd really like to move into a house with a fence for him. 

Currently: Set Your Goals (Yeah I'm listening to SYG, don't hate. You know its catchy!)

My name is Cristina Davis and I can't wait for mid/late April <3

"And I'm leaning on this broken fence between past and present tense"

Had an eventful morning to say the least. I hate going to see doctors.

My brother is here visiting from home. Hes a junior in high school and this is his first trip. He's 18 so I'm going to take him out to a bar or two with some of my college girls. He's going to feel so cool and brag about it when he goes back to school haha.

I made an awesome dinner tonight for his arrival. I just wanted him to know I am grown up kinda. The apartment looks good and the food was good. I'm a woman and stuff now. haha

He brought my dog Benz! I missed him & I'm so glad he's back again.

&&& this is my new shirt I got from H&M the other day. It's really summery and I love it.

Currently: The Weakerthans

I am stoked on my brother and dog being here.

"I'll love you forever if I ever love at all."

Being told you are beautiful over and over by the one person you want to hear it from is probably one of the best feelings ever. 

Mid April can't come soon enough. 

Currently: The Gaslight Anthem

My name is Cristina Davis, and I have poor decision making skills, but fuck it. It feels good right now. 

"We got the dreamers' disease."

SB09 

RULED HARD.

PARTIED HARD.

"Do somethin' crazy! Do somethin' crazy!"

This years Spring Break anthem is so awful but it's a radio hit and I'm a huge sucker for radio hits.

Tomorrow morning I am going to Florida for 7  days with the people I consider my family here in Knoxville.  It's going to be a lot of fun and I just feel like I really need to get away from my everyday routine.  Today I bought a new swim suit, beach towel and rad beach cups. Yes, beach cups. Beach cups are a must.

So since coming home from my last class, I have spent the entire afternoon.. and am still in my swim suit. I am getting in the Spring Break 2009 mindset. I'm there. haha

Ok, so I feel a little ridiculous being that it is currently 44 degrees outside and I am sitting alone in my room in my swimsuit. haha I'M ON SPRING BREAK!

Beach cups. I got 2!

In the Spring Break zone!

P.S. My new favorite show is "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC.  What the crap?! Wedding dresses? Really?!!

My name is Cristina Davis, and I can't wait to take pictures at the beach!

Currently: Asher Roth

"I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase."

No makeup, post shower.

In a great mood.

I have the munchies.

Currently: Coconut Records

"Don't look ahead.. just run to me."

Change is good.

I've been really busy lately.  School this week is hell. 4 midterms. I only have 2 to go, then it's Spring Break & I'll be in Florida for a week! I can't wait to get away.

I think of myself this time last year and my life is completely different now. It has definitely changed for the better. It's been really hard but I know that things are better for myself and even though I find myself miserable or still heart broken from time to time, I know I will keep getting better and eventually I will find all those good feelings again in someone who wants to feel these things too, with me.

Spring Break last year I went with a small group of friends on a cruise to Mexico and I found myself completely as myself. I found myself letting go and I was different. Even my friends saw this in me. I remember laying in my bunk and my friend Chelsea was looking at me and I was like "uhhh what?" and she just smiled and said "I'm glad you are here and I'm glad I'm with here with you. I haven't seen you smile this much or look this beautiful. You look so happy." I could tell she was being genuine. It was weird at first. 1. I am kinda weird about showing affection like that or whatever. 2. It was extremely random.  But after I thought about it for a little bit, she was right... I was different and I was smiling and happier than I had been in a long time.  And that started my crazy change. I came back from Spring Break and I knew I needed to change things in my life. I knew I was unhappy and that my life was completely routine and I wasn't doing what I wanted or making my decisions on my own. I relied on the opinion of the person in my life that I put before me. & I had been doing this for almost 4 years. I was too young to be living like that. We were in completely different stages of our lives. I was missing out on college.. I was missing out on learning about myself. 

So I'm going to go on Spring break with the majority of the same people as last time plus new friends and I am going to have a blast. I feel so good thinking about last year and the crazy realizations I came to. Last Spring Break was a huge growing experience and I can't wait to see what this one has in store for me.  

It's so weird how things work out. 

We have a zoo. 

Deana, my room mate, rescued a dog about 2 weeks ago. Shes a good dog. Her name is Bebe (pronounced "B B") she like me better than Deana and hangs out in my room all day long looking at my 2 pet rats. haha She is obsessed. 

My name is Cristina Davis, and I can't wait until I am in Florida and then Atlanta when I return.

Currently: Copeland

"Well i'd like to think i'm the mess you'd wear with pride."

22. A picture of a time when everything was changing.

I can't remember a time before this that I just let go. 

23. A picture that makes your heart hurt.

24. A picture that makes your heart smile.

Started the new year stoked and happy. But I guess at the same time.. it makes my heart frown a little too. ha.

25. A picture that's one of the best nights of your life.

I was missing out. I found it. and it ruled.

My name is Cristina Davis, and I miss someone.

Currently: Band of Horses

"We pulled each other into one, parkas clinging on the lawn and kissed right there."

16. A picture of you when you were anything but happy.

Always put on a happy face even though I was not so happy. Good thing my friends ruled and I was smart enough to get out.

17. A picture that you had no idea was being taken.

no idea.

18. A picture of when you were a different person than you are now.

I didn't know who I was and I did everything to please another person. I can't say I was unhappy.. I just didn't know better.

19. A picture of you with someone you love.

She's my boo. Without a doubt I know she is my most loyal friend and there isn't a single thing she wouldn't do for me and I'd do anything for her. 

20. A picture of how you'd like the world to see you.

Carefree, happy, and surrounded by people who love me 

Yesterday Ruled! It was so nice outside so my two girls and I went to the park and layed around listening to Band of Horses.  Days like this is a must. I took several photos I am pretty proud of. I'll probably post them on a later date. I've been using it more lately. 

for fun.

& yep. My name is tattooed on Justin. 

My name is Cristina Davis, and I am stoked on Spring Break starting on Saturday!

Currently: Jawbreaker

"There's some kinda love and there's some kinda hate."

11. The most recent picture of you.

On Friday night my brother took me to CiCi's Pizza and I got that sweet stach out of a 25 cent toy machine. Then I proceeded to wear it at the tattoo shop & then later at a bar. Everyone was a fan. haha

12. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

White Russians and new found freedom... bras are off.. and on my head? Yeah I have no idea about this other than the fact there are several photos with OTHER people wearing my bra on their head. haha

13.A picture of you showing off your new hair cut/color.

First hair cut after a year and a half of no cuts. 

14. A picture of a time in your life that's over and you wish wasn't.

I met her before I started kindergarten. She was my best friend and we just drifted apart. I miss her.

15. A picture of a time in your life that's over and you couldn't be more thankful.

Last summer. I was more confused about my life than I'd ever been. Soon after this picture I made a huge decision and it literally changed my entire life. So glad I don't have to think and worry that hard now.

I haven't updated in a few days because my laptop died. I knew it was going to. So, I bought a new one last night! I got a MacBook and I am stoked on it. Too bad im computer retarded and I have no idea how to use this thing. I'm sure ill get the hang of using a mac soon. 

The weekend ruled. Went to moms on Thursday. Hung out with my favorites. Justin got my name tattooed on him haha. Came back to Knoxville last night for my girls 21st birthday. Was tons of fun for sure. 

My name is Cristina Davis and I have a busy week ahead of me. bleh.

Currently: The Misfits

"Drinkin' coke and kicking ass"

I went to antique stores today hunting for a record player. I found a couple I am interested in. I also found tons of old film cameras that I wouldn't mind picking up. But I am waiting off on that because my room mates boyfriend was given an old Nikon set up and hes bringing it for me to look at. There was a rad old Polaroid camera. It weighed a ton and was so cool looking. I have this new found like for antiquing it's weird. I am an old lady.. I like knitting, crafting, being obsessed with my dog, and now antiquing. haha

My living arrangements are about to change soon & I AM STOKED. I'll be spending about $170 less a month on rent and utilities. When summer hits I'll also be spending way less on electricity. Stoked on $60 electric bills again vs the $180 during the winter.

Meaning: I'm going to try to save that money for some traveling this summer.

I want to hit up places I've never been.
I'd like to visit Portland ;)
New England area again too.
California & Miami are always an option.

I am excited about spring/summer. This seasonal depression is kicking my ass. I am excited about having a place to live at from now until the next school year is over. I am excited about paying less on bills. I am excited about Florida 14th-21st. & I am excited about seeing my dog tomorrow!

Not so excited on having to find a job soon. My laptop is also about to eat shit. Maybe mom & step dad will buy me a macbook? I can only hope.

My name is Cristina Davis, and I am in a great mood right now.

Currently: Kids Like Us

" I get a yes, a no, a maybe from the magic 8 ball of your mind."

6. A picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.

flannel top, belt, black leggings, and black heels. so cute.


7. A picture of you making a goofy face.

Spring Break 2008. On our cruise ship, the guy who cleaned up our room everyday would make random animals out of towels. This day it was a frog. & apparently thats my frog face.


8. A picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive.

hahaha yesterday.


9. A picture of a night you regret.

yep. bleh.


10. A picture of you truly being yourself.

I am always myself around her. I love her & I know no matter what I do or say, she won't judge me.

Ive been having weird dreams lately that are extremely vivid. a couple nights last week I started having nightmares again. ugh. I hate it. they are so real and I always wake up tense and kind of freaking out. Then last night I had a dirty dream. haha

I need to just go back to having dreams that make no sense and that are random instead of nightmares and do it dreams haha.

I'm ready to go to my moms.


My name is Cristina Davis, and I am homesick.

Currently:Cory Branan

"I'm not looking for sweet talk. I'm looking for time."

1. A picture of you in your room.

Oh hayyyyyyy. I wish I looked like that all the time haha

2. A picture with someone you don't actually like.

I don't particularly care for this person at all. You might be able to tell who is from the neck tattoo. I doubt it though.


3. A picture of you very drunk.
This is what happens when I hang out with Breanna. She gets me more drunk than ever.


4. A picture on your birthday.

21st Birthday. I was a champ that night. 2 shots & a beer in this pic! Then I was terribly sick the next day. My friends were amazing and threw me a huge surprise party. Best Birthday ever.


5. The youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.

This is my dad and I. I don't know how old I was but I dont think over a month. This scan sucks. My 18 year old brother looks just like him.

My name is Cristina Davis, and I don't look like the first picture in real life. hahaha

Currently: The Killers

"She got the current in her hand just shock you like you won't believe."

My friend posted a blog that had 25 different photos & each one was specific. I am going to do this.. but post 5 a day I think.

Here is the list of photos:

1. A picture of you in your room.
2. A picture with someone you don't actually like.
3. A picture of you very drunk.
4. A picture on your birthday.
5. The youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.
6. A picture of you in one of your favorite outfits
7. A picture of you making a goofy face.
8. A picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive.
9. A picture of a night you regret.
10. A picture of you truly being yourself.
11. The most recent picture of you.
12. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.
13. A picture of you showing off your new hair cut/color.
14. A picture of a time in your life that's over & you wish wasn't.
15. A picture of a time in your life that's over & you couldn't be more thankful.
16. A picture of you when you were anything but happy.
17. A picture that you had no idea was being taken.
18. A picture of when you were a different person than you are now.
19. A picture of you with someone you love.
20. A picture of how you'd like the world to see you.
22. A picture of a time when everything was changing.
23. A picture that makes your heart hurt.
24. A picture that makes your heart smile.
25. A picture that's one of the best nights of your life.

Tomorrow, 1-5.
This should be interesting.


My name is Cristina Davis, and I am going to start using my camera more?

Currently: MGMT

"Untangle my heart, love. I'll love you all night."

Some things never change.

The weekend was great. This is the only picture i have from the Scion Rock Fest because my camera was not permitted into the event. Holly was by my side 90% of the day. I loved it. I missed her. & it was like we never stopped hanging out. Spin Magazine took photos of us for their article on the event. I hope we make in. Look at that picture.. we are babes.. just sayin.

Trash Talk ruled Friday & Saturday. Seriously so intense. & on Saturday I watched the crowd go nuts and it made me remember what it felt like when I went to shows when I was like 16.

Neurosis was mind blowing and LOUD. So loud. Listened to half of their set sober.. and the other under the influence of what was going around and I must say it was a sensory overload listening to them. That isn't a bad thing. I only listened to them a handful of times before and I will now be listening often.

BEER.

Friday night after Trash Talk Bobby & I went to a bar to pass some time waiting on the other two people who came with us to get out of the show they went to. The bar ruled. The playlist at the bar was awesome & they had an extensive list of beers. I am not a beer kind of girl for the mot part, but I figured I should at least try something new since I was there. Drank a Young's Double Chocolate Stout. Chocolate beer? YES. I think I might be down for some beer tasting in the future. Not the same ol' Bud Light kind of shit. The interesting beers please.

Attn dudes: Stop being turds.

Sometimes people just aren't who you think they are. That's all I have to say about that for now.


My name is Cristina Davis, and I am considering becoming a lesbian.

Currently: Fences